I laughed out loud recently when a friend got referred to as a Single Pringle. It was said it in such a nonchalant way, as though it were a common phrase that everyone single person in existence could use to describe someone. At the time I laughed out loud and said something along the lines of how silly a phrase it was.....but I find myself using it more and more as time progresses and actually liking the phrase.
Now that my divorce is finalised and I am officially a fully paid up member of the divorcee club I can officially call myself a single pringle! It feels weird, I have said in previous posts that when I got married I thought it was a lifetime thing, but alas it wasn't meant to be. I'm not looking to get into a new relationship right now, I'm quite happy on my own and don't see that changing for the foreseeable future, but it has led me to think about what's different between being single and being in a relationship and for that I need to look backwards and towards my history before I take a look forward.
My dating history isn't amazing, I've had what I would call four long term relationships, Kel, Lauren 1, Lauren 2 and Jemma. The longest being Jemma by a huge margin, we were together for nearly 16 years so that was over a third of my life. Lauren 1 was six months, Lauren 2 a year and a bit, though we did have some breaks in that time and Kel lasted over a year and a half but in two different times. Throw in the mix a few short lived relationships and the odd one night stand, yes I did go through shall we say a little experimental phase during university. There was three long periods in the mix where I was into a girl that had no interest in me....I'm looking at you Heather, Helen and Amanda. Those were some dark days and I sincerely apologise to my closet friends who heard me lament on these girls far to many times, in this case I'm looking at you Charlene, Dave and Kev, I'm sorry honestly!!
With each of the relationships I've changed with each of these relationships, I think it's only natural that you do isn't. A big example was with Kel, she was my first big relationship, the first person I ever told that I loved them in the flesh, I have to add that caveat on as I proclaimed my love for numerous Spurs and Boston United players before this. She was the one who made me grow up a lot, I started thinking of another persons feelings and how I affected them rather than being selfish and only doing what pleased me. Lauren 1 helped me start the transition from being a boy into man, I learnt what it was like to be part of a couple, we even met each other parents, quite serious for a 16/17 year old. Lauren 2 made me realise how a relationship should not be, we weren't right for each other in any way shape or form and the arguments we had weren't pretty. We got together almost by accident and my last year of uni and a little bit of the next one we were on then off then on again more times than I care to mention. Jemma, well what can I say about how much I changed. She introduced me to new things, we explored the world together, went on so many adventures and for the majority of our relationship we were happy. I've said before that we grew to comfortable with each other and took each other for granted which contributed to the end of the our relationship. I was very much a different person at the end than I was at the beginning, if that's a good thing or not I don't know.
Now that's a very brief history lesson on my dating history onto the single part.
There used to be a stigma attached to doing things on a solo basis. Trips to restaurants, the cinema, the theatre were all considered couple or group activities. I think with the modern world there isn't as much but I will admit the first time I went to a show on my own I felt to begin with everyone was staring at me wondering what I was doing there on my own, but then it dawned on me that once the show started, no one cared in the slightest, after all you can't really converse with anyone when the lights go down, it didn't matter that I was alone, everyone was there to enjoy the show. It's the same with the cinema, at the end of the day you can't really talk to anyone during the showing unless you are one of those annoying dicks who seem to follow me around the country! Eating alone has never been a problem and sometimes it's an advantage because I can try places the other person doesn't want to go to. The gym which is one of my big things is very much a solo activity for me, I get in that zone with some music or a podcast playing and I'm hard to get out of it. I've enjoyed lots of walks exploring the Lincolnshire countryside, some parts of it truly are beautiful.
I've probably travelled more in the last year and a bit than I had done in the decade I was in a relationship, and apart from the odd mishap on the trains, which have led to me seeing some areas of the country I have never even heard of, St Neots was a particular favourite station that I got abandoned at. I've started planning a couple of the bigger things on my challenge list and I'm doing it solo, the thought of going to these places alone before would have been a little intimidating but now I think what the hell. I've been to castles, palaces, exhibitions, art galleries and everything in-between, if I want to do it now I will do, that's not to say I don't enjoy a group activity still. Phantom Peak was amazing and I've been on a few pub crawls with old friends trying to prove that we can drink just as well as we could in our teen years, I've gone to a few live gigs and football matches as part of a group. I've of course reconnected with friends from years gone by, made new ones along the way.
The question is am I happier than when I was in a relationship? Sometimes it would be nice to come home to someone after a hard day at work and just be able to unload a little, someone to cuddle up to in bed but on the whole I think I'm right where I need to be at the minute. I'm still learning about the new me, I've gone back and tried things I always thought I disliked. Foods that I tried once when I was younger and decided that I didn't enjoy have been resampled and in most cases I've actually enjoyed them. This has led me to becoming a little bit addicted to halloumi drizzled in hot honey which isn't great for my weight loss goals but god damn it tastes so good! And for the record avocado with some chilli flakes mashed in is a perfect topping for a chicken burger, along with a fried egg and some pickled red onion! I've started learning new skills, yes the guitar lessons are still not going well, I have admitted in the past that I am the most musically untalented person in the world and feel as though this is clear evidence to support that claim. I've updated the wardrobe not because I'm trying to impress people but because it helps me feel good, I've put more colour in my clothes and several people have commented on the fact I look better that I have done in a while, yes I still love a checked shirt, I think I always will, but there is now some variety in the mix. So for the time being I'm just happy to do my own thing at my own pace in my own way.
Of course all the above will go out of the window if Anna Kendrick wants to ask me out on a date I would be there like a shot.
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