Human Nature I guess?

I don't know if it's just me or if everyone does it but I always picture worse case scenarios in my head. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong in these thoughts that go through my mind, is that normal or not? I'm not sure these days to be honest. 

One example of this is my time keeping, if I say to someone I'll meet them at 1pm I'll envisage every possible scenario that would make it impossible for me to get there then. Traffic problems, road closures, trains not running on time, getting distracted by meeting someone on the way, they all pop into my head and then I turn up ridiculously early and have to try and make it look casual when someone asks if I've been waiting for a long time.

So why do I bring this up now? I've been open and honest about my health issues and the lumps that have appeared on my body, namely at the base of spine, behind my right kneecap, in my ankle and the index finger on my left hand. This is a new development though, I have one roughly the size of golf ball on the back of head near my base of the skull near where my neck connects to it. It's getting bigger and the consistency of it is changing, is that the right term? Fluid is starting to accumulate around the hard centre. It's got to the stage where my barber (big shout out to Rash) pointed it out to me that it has appeared between haircuts, that and Nick my co-manager and general pain in my backside asked in his elegant term, "what the fuck is that on the back of your head?" 

I've been to the doctors and they've sent me for ultrasounds and MRI's, with the various lumps and bumps that have appeared in my body, I've had more medical appointments in the past year than in the previous 40 combined. I guess I have gotten over my white coat syndrome diagnosis finally! In fact my blood pressure has dropped to normal levels even when dealing with situations that in the past have made them sky rocket.

At the beginning of the this post I said about worse case scenarios and my head has been going from one extreme to the other. One minute I'm convinced it's a brain tumour, the next it's nothing then it goes onto the weird idea of being an alien parasite trying to get into my brain (I've watched far to many bad sci-fi films). So as you can imagine I've been doing a lot of thinking, I did make the mistake of googling my symptoms, something you should never do, basically I'm going to drop down dead any second now if you listen to some of the possible diagnosis on there. 

Now I don't know who reads this blog, I keep getting emails telling me the number of people who are visiting keeps growing on a monthly basis, so firstly thank you for reading the drivel that I write, secondly don't worry this isn't a negative post, this is just taking stock and realising there is something about me that needs to be fixed. I've worked long and hard on various things about myself, the weight loss, the mental approach to things and more importantly not hiding from the bad things. It might turn out to be nothing, it might be serious who knows, all I do know is that I will fight whatever comes my way.